Day Sixteen -- April 16th
The Ministry of Despair
by Jeanie Killion
I remember how
I used to live
Before I knew Your grace.
I was always, and in all ways,
Working, working, working
To earn Your approval;
To earn Your favor;
To stave off Your anger;
Hoping You would commend me
For my efforts,
I condemned myself.
Always lacking something;
That was me.
Soon as I thought, “I’m doing well!” --
I’d spy someone doing better
And feel the pressure to achieve
A better form of righteousness,
According to the "rules."
I was a sandcastle
Built on sand,
Seeking the approval of men
Who were, just like me,
But, all my striving
never led to thriving.
Instead, it led to Despair.”
And, Despair became to me,
Like a harsh friend --
One who kisses you
With the truth
you never knew you wanted.
She taught me that working
To accomplish a goodness of my own
Was empty, was futile.
It was Despair who tore from me
My last shred of desire
to create an empty goodness-illusion.
Ripping the religious spectacles from my face,
She forced me to see everything
Through my Beloved’s eyes of grace.
She laughed at me for hoping to merit
Something defined as “unmerited.”
Tho', it was Despair, that hurtful friend,
Who brought me to the end
Of striving & forced me into REST,
I’m sure she meant me much harm.
But, one day, she finally left me alone, in your arms.
Here’s where I’ll stay, at rest in your care,
Oddly thankful for the visitor called, “Despair.”
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